Way to fuck over your own Grandpa; Why the Cowboys players should be driven into the sea

I've taken a few shots at poor Wade Phillips over the years, as have many of the Ugly Fours writers.  Low hanging fruit.  What can we say?

But a recent poll of all of us here has brought to light a stunning fact: none of us actually dislikes Wade Phillips as a person.

Do we think he's probably in over his head in Dallas?  Yeah, but it takes a seriously impaired person to take a job working for Jerry Jones.  He's like a wraith overlord.

And so, with everyone kicking Wade in the balls for weeks and his team underperforming like crazy, I woke up on Sunday knowing - not thinking, knowing - that the damage had been done.  Romo was out, the season was basically over.  Wade had taken the entire brunt of the media and fan scorn and never said a bad word about anyone.  In public, anyway.  He did send me this email:

I was kind of shocked by the postscript, but hey, this wouldn't be the first time we at Ugly Fours pissed off a national figure.  Here's the email I got from fantasy guru Matthew Berry:

Touchy touchy. Geez.

But this isn't about what a dangerous homicidal maniac The Talented Mr. Roto is, it's about a little thing called dignity.

Because, I seriously can't take watching Wade Phillips at a post game press conference anymore trying to come up with more words for "shock" and "disappointment".  I literally cannot handle it.  It's heart-wrenching.

But you know who can do something about it?  The dildos on the 53 man Cowboys active roster, that's who.

And what did they do about it?  What did they do to bail out their Grandpa on Sunday?

They got buttfucked by the pathetic Jacksonville Jaguars 33-17.

And it wasn't that close.

So you can color me angry on behalf of Grandpa.  You can count me among the people who would posse up and drive the Cowboys players at the point of a pitchfork into the Gulf of Mehico. (except for Dez Bryant, who is on basically all my fantasy teams, and Kevin Ogletree, because his name sounds like Ovaltine and Stephen McGee, because he's got fantasy potential).  But all the rest of them.  Especially the pretending egomaniacs on defense who, I repeat, got BLOWED OUT by Jacksonville.

I'm not 100% sure if the Jags are still actually considered an NFL team.  Gonna have to ask the Stats department guy about that.

Get on it, Boxy!In any case, I don't care how done you are.  I don't care if you tear every tendon in the body of every player in that roster, that's a game you don't lose.

That was a game you should have won for Grandpa.

You miserable, shameless fucks.

Comments

[BBB]

I couldn't agree more. I was at home, watching he game, thinking, "I'm sorry. Are we keeping you guys from something?"